because perfection isn’t easy
Get the Books
Over the next three months, I will come here more often than I ever have in my entire life, and that includes the out-patient fiasco about seven years ago.
After years of denying medication, finally I got a prescription. All those times when I told friends to see therapists, to speak up for themselves, or to get some help didn’t apply to my life. After all, who listens to her own advice? Wise people do, not me.
She asked many questions to determine what type of medication would be good for me—about the abuse, my emotions, how I was coping. From the plush couch, I answered truthfully. The shades were drawn up, filling the room with sunlight. Her face was attentive, cocked to one side as she listened. I was safe.
But just as I was leaving, she slyly slipped in one last question: “Do you feel hopeful about your future?”
Even after an hour of answered sensitive questions, I still hesitated. To say yes would be lying. But to say no would be condemning myself to more judgment. I started to think: What should I say? What would she think? Could I be honest? Am I safe? Could I trust her? Could I say what was on my mind?
Because I didn’t feel hopeful. My breath caught. Suddenly, I was dizzy as the possibilities unfolded in my head. No, I didn’t feel my life has direction. I felt overwhelmed, frightened, anxious. Will I graduate? Will I hate my career? What would people think, taking so long to get through college? What would people think about my injuries? Would I be respected?
Will I ever be happy?
Only a few moments had passed. She watched quietly, patiently. When I spoke, my voice shook, but the words were clear.
“No, I’m not hopeful. But I want to be.”
This is my lifesaver. I confess: I am very, very bad at taking one tiny pill every single day. Either it’s not in my daily pill box, or it’s so small, it gets stuck in one corner so I don’t notice it. My oral contraceptive habits are less than perfect.
There have been some scares. Forgetting a pill every once in a while can throw your body into hormonal unbalance. Recently, I’ve been feeling bloated and unusually sensitive (physically and emotionally). Crying at the drop of a hat is not fun. It’s time, I decided, to get another form of hormonal birth control.
So here’s the Nuvaring. What’s so great about it? Put it in for three weeks. Take it out for one week to have your period. The only thing you have to worry about is having it fall out (but it doesn’t happen often). I’m so glad to have gotten an alternative to the pill. If this sounds like a great method for you, ask you doctor for it. So easy to use, and without all the fuss.
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